My Story (part 1)

I was practically born in church; now you might think” What kind of problems did she had”? Well I had many. To start with growing up in church doesn’t save anybody from problems; no it sure doesn’t. My problems started at the age of 11. I know I was young but it was that time where I didn’t know who I was anymore. I used to blame the fact that I just moved countries, I had to learn a new language and make new friends. Now I realize that the problem was within me. When I started middle school I felt obligated to be someone I wasn’t.. . maybe it doesn’t make sense but seeing all those girls at school made me want to be like them. They seemed to be so happy and free. They could do whatever they felt like. I just wanted to have that freedom. It wasn’t too long until I met some girls( 6^th grade). They were so nice to me and I was like wow !! They are really good friends…that’s what I thought. They turn up to be the opposite, they hurt me, they used me and I thought they were just being good friends. How naïve. Until 7^th grade… people change and that’s what happen.. They changed…I changed. In my head I had the thought that I had to fit in. In church I was the “saint”; the girl that never made mistakes. I was a youth of God through everybody’s eyes. But only God knew how lost I was. In some way I knew I was being a two-faced. That didn’t bother me until things started to go wrong at school. I started to talk, dress and act like them. Now that I look back.. how shameful. I didn’t know who the real Bianca was. At night I used to think what happen to the nice, sweet girl I used to be. I felt so empty and so sad. I had a smile on my face everyday… but not because I was happy but because I had hide my pain. I used a smile to hold my tears. I didn’t understand why was I feeling so empty. Until one day…

To be continue…

God Bless You

Bianca